Tonight I sat on the same jetty where one year ago around this time, my heart was forever changed. I remember, in one sudden instance I spun around quickly as a wave splashed against the rocks, and she stood there a few steps away, barefoot and smiling, listening to me rant as my job fell apart. My comfort was disrupted, but I was entering a story. Then and there, a veil was lifted and I was overwhelmed with the blazing agony of something fierce and infinite.

For over a month I waited patiently for a response. Every day I checked my email, refreshed it over and over hoping this would be the day I would finally hear something from her. But soon I realized in the depths of my heart, it would never come. The longer I waited, I slowly started to gain back my once diminished self confidence, and it was then I finally realized I was worthy of a response, even if I didn’t get one. What should have been an exciting time of celebration in my life, moving to a new town in a new apartment with a new job, was met with…

And as I sit here behind this screen, letting my hemorrhaging heart do the typing, I think about her and write about what could have been so that I might not feel so alone.