This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog and was written by Yeniffer Pang-Chung. For the below posting, the gender has been modified. The thrill of that moment when you meet someone that you can finally connect with is amazing. It feels like that aha moment I have been waiting for. When both the mental and physical collide in such a glorious fashion that it makes me thirst for more. When days turn into nights and when nights turn into mornings. Everything suddenly appears to be so seamless between you two and your steps become lighter and your smile is brighter.

Sometimes I think I love too hard, and it freaks people out and drives them away. Am I the reason for the agonizing pain and heartache in my life? Should I try my hardest to remain detached and elusive and show distance if I ever eventually, someday,  start becoming interested in someone, so I will be desired?  Should I withhold fun dates and surprises and subdue my creative and romantic energy? Will anyone ever enjoy and want me for me and every aspect of who I am and what I have to offer? Will someone ever walk into my life and decide to never leave? Is it all wishful thinking?…

41 days after I poured my heart out in a letter, I finally received a response. “I needed to put myself back together again,” she wrote, “and jumping into a relationship was not the way to do it. If I regret anything, it’s that. I should have known I wasn’t ready.”