To The Girls Who “Aren’t Ready”

This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog and was written by Yeniffer Pang-Chung. For the below posting, the gender has been modified.

The thrill of that moment when you meet someone that you can finally connect with is amazing. It feels like that aha moment I have been waiting for. When both the mental and physical collide in such a glorious fashion that it makes me thirst for more. When days turn into nights and when nights turn into mornings. Everything suddenly appears to be so seamless between you two and your steps become lighter and your smile is brighter.

You know in your heart that this isn’t just another girl, because you have met those other girls. Your heart and soul recognizes something special so you let  your guard down and go with your gut instinct and truly allow yourself to embrace the moment. However, what happens in the weeks and months later when she decides to pull back when you have finally confronted something real and tells you that she is not ready? This is to the girls that do this.

There is never a time when a person is fully ready to be with someone. It takes a massive leap of faith and the risk is high but if that person is truly the person for you then you throw all caution to the wind and dive in. This is passion. That is what living is about.

However, if you were never ready to begin anything then I urge you to stop because what you’re doing is selfish. When you are aware that the feelings are no longer balanced and you can see in his eyes that he is falling for you, you need to be honest because you are hurting him. Your kindness and attention and all the things that you do that contradict how you actually feel towards him is the worst kind of punishment. Do not pull him in with those moments. Do not pull him in by messaging him daily, asking to see him multiple times a week, introducing him to your friends and spending entire weekends together when in fact, you are not ready. Or worst yet, you already know that there can be nothing more between you.

Because it is likely that he does not see this. Your actions contradict how you feel. Do not do this to him. If you are not ready, pace yourself. Be honest. Communicate.

Don’t pull him in because you selfishly miss companionship with another being. This form of companionship is meaningless when you don’t value that person. As we grow, time becomes increasingly valuable and I hope that many of us have learned to recognize that. I spend time with those that I know I can build a relationship with, whether it is friends and lovers. You are wasting each other’s time.

To all the girls that say they are not ready, I beg that you leave those of us that are ready alone.

We don’t need these meaningless moments because we were happy without you. We were happy before you showed up and didn’t need these empty moments where you never really felt anything because for you, it was just a good time without a thought as to how you were affecting us. Someone to make you feel good about yourself and that is selfish. Stay away from us until you do decide you are ready or ready to take a chance.