to my noble pursuit

Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more, much more than you could have ever known and wouldn’t have known otherwise…

If tonight could have been shared with you, a rose would be the last thing I’d give you; instead I would have adorned you with a white carnation because it represents pure love, fascination and distinction.  It wouldn’t be clipped but in a pot filled with dirt, because although the top is extravagant, stunning, even alluring, the flower has deep roots that stretch far under the surface and support the structure, holding it up and together, making it what it is.  The roots feed the flower making it stay beautiful and they’re exactly what’s needed, every one of them a sacrificial pillar of unconditional unity, where qualities balance each other out.  The roots are the humble commitment, the integrity, admiration, patience, keeping no records of wrongs. For us, I want there to always be newness, freshness and strangeness, a delightful pursuit even after matrimony. For us, there will always be that element of pursuing, even when we’re extremely old and still have each other, best of friends.  Let’s never be fully assured in our love, but have a healthy fear of loss so we will always, constantly be treasuring each other, never taking for granted what we’ll be so blessed to have.  Our noble pursuit will always be there, now, after we meet, well into our marriage, even after our deaths.  Our kiss will be like no other kiss, ever.  A kiss that requests but doesn’t demand, asks but doesn’t take, offers and asks for more but above all is filled with longing and also curiosity, teaching us both that a kiss should come gift wrapped, not stripped naked.  And most of all, it makes us want another kiss exactly like that one. Love to us will mean holding on to someone just as hard as you can because if you don’t, one blink and they might disappear forever.  Some people rot waiting for true love, so when and if we’re so privileged as to find it, don’t question it.

But all I know is the pursuit and little about actually obtaining the object of that pursuit.  I can’t even imagine what it would be like to really live with you.  Each year I dedicate this day to you because there is no one else it could ever be spent with.  And until we’re finally united and all is well with the world, days like this will make up for time lost.

The white carnation is beautiful because of the roots but this world has snipped the stems so only the alluring, bodily aspect is seen, a side that withers and decays, turning brown and crumbling like ash.  The world doesn’t care about roots anymore; they just look for only the attractiveness.  As for me I’m exhausted with being caught up in the twisted briars of lust, what’s all around me in the sex crazed culture, the enormous generation gaps in the smallest amount of time, the absolute rip roaring madness of it all.  I want something nobler, something that rises above all that muck and mire that everyone else trudges through, and something that stands out and is set apart.

One day I know I will finally be able to sing to you that I hope you weren’t waiting long, and our night together will make up for all that time lost which wasn’t any time at all because we were always there we just never knew where.  It will be much like we had met years ago and we’ll pick up right where we left off.  Two fracturd people, perhaps healed someday, by unforeseen, and not to mention unlikely but perfect love.

One comment on “to my noble pursuit”

  1. Amanda Kate says:

    Josh,

    You are amazing, awesome and one of a kind. You write so beautifully. And you’re perspectives on life and aspects of it — like love — are so magical and unique. I admire that about you and please never change.

    Love,
    Vanderhoss

    P.S. You should convince Mark to make me a website.

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