Unsatisfied Satisfaction

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited” – Sylvia Plath

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited” – Sylvia Plath

To The One Who Knows, thank You for understanding and knowing. Sometimes my soul feels trapped and contained by this physical body and it’s bursting at the seams to break free of it. It wants to be many places all at once and it wants to experience all there is to experience and discover, all without the constraints of time. It wants to thoroughly meet each person and hear their stories. It wants to fall in love a million times with a million people in a million places in a million different sets of circumstances and go on a million adventures to a million ends of the earth. It wants to read all there is to read that’s interesting, watch all there is to watch that’s enriching and inspiring, discover all there is to discover about people, places, history… It wants to soak up sensations and moments and places and exhaust them all and to feel them and experience them in all seasons. It doesn’t want to waste a single moment but lives as if it’s all limitless and infinite all the while knowing with a searing pain in the back of the conscience that it’s not. It’s all fleeting, but is it? The One Who Knows All assures me that it’s not, that we were made for limitlessness and infinity, that there is a place that exists without time where all of these things can actually be done. I can name at least a dozen cities I’d love to be in right now, at least a dozen career paths, places I’d just like to be standing, living, working, exploring… My heart aches with overwhelm when I think of it all and I wonder if I’m missing out on someplace at some time or someone

But I can’t help but bask in thankfulness for having been placed exactly where life breathes some satisfaction to the lust of infinite variety. From the shore town I live and work in to the city I admire, adore, cherish and call home, I live in a place where there’s always more to see and do and discover. Always. I cannot be thankful enough that my wild spirit of receptive appreciation and wanderlust can be unleashed and set completely free through my job(s) rather than tied down and constrained by the shackles of a routine in the same place every day. How thankful I am that that will never be me, that my passion will follow me and exist with me always and that “work” is what it is to me, a 24/7 joyous challenge that’s always striving forward to expand and create. I am blessed, blessed beyond my wildest dreams to be doing what I’m doing where I’m doing it. I never would have thought this was what life would have in store for me. It is surely not at all what I had expected. But then, what of real lasting value ever is?

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